Polling my neighbors

I am fascinated by this topic, and I mean that literally. I ask everyone their opinion about it - my friends, my OB, my kids' pediatrician, the woman who runs the local playgroup - and surprisingly (well, I'm getting used to it) EVERY woman I've talked to has an opinion about the way their life has gone versus what they were somewhat expecting. (It's like we're all theorizing and analyzing our lives - but when? 3 AM?)

As one of them said to me "I was always told YOU WERE MEANT FOR BETTER THAN THIS. For big things. Go conquer the world." And then she had kids. And that whole conquer thing got kind of hard. Are we absolutely thrilled and grateful and happy we had children? Of course, absolutely (fast becoming my favorite word).

That's the point. It's just that, there is this generation of women and I, obviously, think I am smack dab in the middle of it, that came along after that whole civil rights/women's lib thing, and everyone was so excited to tell us walls were down and we could go do what we wanted! Woohoo! It's just that nobody mentioned - oh, and by the way, there is this whole other little ittybitty thing we might have forgotten to mention that might kind of sort of greatly (and rightly so) affect that...

And you don't have to drop completely out of work to have it affect you. My good friend at a big foreign car company, MBA, important job, etc...we were just talking about how odd it feels that she shys away from promotions because it will mean more (foreign) travel and with two little kids at home she's not interested. So is this it? This is where her career goes? We remember working with people like that when we were in our twenties - why aren't they more aggresive? Why are they happy just stopping there? Some even seemed to be stuck in a little way station in their career. (And not that my girlfriend is in a little way station - God, these blogs can be tricky! She made it a hell of a lot further than I did to a perfectly admirable place to stay; it's just that, she obviously has the chance to go further *if she wanted it*. Huh. That whole dilemma thing. (Note to self for next life: stick to one career . . . )

Certainly men do this sometimes too; it's not just a girl thing. Men sometimes stop gunning for the big advancement because they like to see their kids too. What am I saying? That I just didn't realize you really can't have it all? Just regular run-of-the-mill hit 40 and realize you really won't be a rockstar, is that it? Nah. (Well, maybe). But I think there's more to it...the next stage of the whole (God, I even hate this terminology) "lib" thing (please God we need a new name) - recognizing women (and men) have a ton to contribute after their kids are raised and maybe we should let them back on the fast track/rat race if they want. I know, pipe dreams, pipe dreams. (Huh. Now that I'm older (maybe more observant, being younger would make more sense) it just suddenly occurred to me where that phrase probably came from. Huh, that's kind of funny! "Pipe dreams".)

PS As I sit, Little Big Girl is at playschool and Baby was asleep. Then Baby woke up; due to some rain I don't feel guilty about not taking her outside. I use the rain as an excuse not to do something interactive with her inside as well - instead she sits on my lap while I finish the last paragraph. Sits on my lap and empties out every drawer in the desk (yes, leaning over at times). Envelopes, stationary, stamps, checkbooks, (open) boxes of new checks, mail I don't know what to do with, papers with notes I am supposed to keep track of, (other people's) business cards, floppy disks, little plastic things that mark file folders, their paper labels, a lifetime collection of pens. All in a big circle around me. Just one more little household tasky for me and I brought this one on myself.